19 Struggles Of Having An Outgoing Personality But Actually Being Introverted

Like many categorizing systems, the separatist thinking behind them attempts to firmly place us in one container or another.  The flaw in these types of systems is that they don’t always take into account the middle areas of the spectrum.  And any system is just that: a spectrum.  I’ve long stated with unequivocal certainty that I’m introverted.  My friends, however, look at me askance, because I’m actually very fun-loving and outgoing when I need to be.  So on that introvert/extravert spectrum, I fall somewhere to the introverted side, but exhibit limited extroverted tendencies.  Here is an article found on Thought Catalog by Brianna West that I have updated to reflect this:

1. You’re not anti-social, you’re selectively social. It’s not that you don’t like going out, it’s that you are very choosy about when, where, and for how long.

2. At any given point, you have one (maybe two) best friends who are your entire life. You’re not a “group of friends” person. You can’t keep up with all that. This small group are those you know well, trust implicitly, and with whom you feel the most comfortable.

3. Social gatherings that are supposed to be “rites of passage” like prom and dances and other such typical nonsense is just… not for you. You don’t understand it. You want nothing to do with it.  You don’t need a flimsy reason to go out, and these events seem just like that to you.

4. When you do choose to grace a party with your presence, you are the life of it. You’re dancing on the table and doing body shots until 3 a.m.  This is not to imply that you’re arrogant or snooty…it’s just that once you decide to commit to it, you actually commit to it.

5. … You then retreat into three days of complete solitude to recover. Naturally.

6. You go out of your way to avoid people, but when you inevitably have to interact with them, you make it seem like there’s nothing in the world you’d rather be doing.  Because you are such an active and interested listener, you are able to fully focus on others when you find them interesting and engaging.  That is, you don’t participate in small talk (and why should you?), but if it’s a topic you’re truly interested in, you’re an amazing conversational partner.

7. Dating is weird, because you’re smiling and laughing and talkative at dinner, and then you don’t want to answer their texts for days, because like, you just want to be left alone…  And there’s nothing wrong with that.

8. You’re accused of being flirty with everybody, which is hilarious, because in reality, you can only tolerate like four people.  Flirting is your way of being in control of social situations.  For you are not entirely comfortable in such settings many times, you can always find a way to make it bearable.

9. You retain an air of mystery about you, completely unintentionally. (There’s no mystery. You just feel no need to update the social sphere on what’s going on in your life every two hours.)  You can blame reality television for others’ need to continually provide updates on every little thing they’re doing, because non-introverts often act as if they’re appearing on their own reality show.

10. Not to mention the fact that you either have days in which you’re tweeting and status updating every five minutes… or you delete your accounts for a month.  We’ve all done it.  Sometimes, you just. need. a break.

11. You become unintentionally awkward because you at once feel the need to be a social life jacket for other people, though you’re just as uncomfortable yourself.  You are sensitive to the discomfort of others, so often because it reflects you’re own discomfort in such settings.  But you’ve developed you own personal safety feature to rescue yourself, and therefore cannot abide by allowing others to suffer through the same intense feelings.

12. You’ve never really understood the whole “introvert vs. extrovert” dichotomy (can we call it that?) Because you’re… both…  And that’s where the term “ambivert” comes in.  No one truly falls on that spectrum at the extreme ends of it.

13. You’re always run through the ringer because people think you’re best suited to be the one who gives the presentation, confronts the boss, gives the speech, etc. Meanwhile, you’re practically throwing up over the thought of it.  Your choice to keep to yourself often gives others the impression — wrong or right — that you are much more capable of saying things to others, and that they’ll listen…because you speak so infrequently, your words carry more weight.

14. You ebb and flow between wanting to be noticed for your hard work, reveling in the attention and achievement you receive, to sinking and panicking over the thought of somebody else paying more than 30 seconds of attention to you.  You prefer to operate behind the scenes.  Let the extroverts take the spotlight.  That’s where they thrive.

15. The entirety of your being is a conundrum, so needless to say, indecisiveness is your Achilles’ Heel.  This is not always true.  Many introverts are fully capable of being decisive.  But when it comes to leaving your comfort zone, you really have to wait until you determine how prepared you are to participate.  And sometimes, that doesn’t come until the last minute.

16. You’re at your happiest in places like coffee shops and cafés: surrounded by people, but still closed off and keeping to yourself. In this way, you can feel like you’re part of the crowd without actually having to immerse yourself in it.

17. You prefer to travel alone, but meet up with people once you’re there, on your own terms and at your own speed.  Not only in traveling, but in most situations, you prefer to be in control of your comfort levels.

18. It’s taken you years to figure out that you’re different than many introverts you know. Literally years.  Because the spectrum has always been presented as either/or, you may not have realized that ambivert was also a choice.  Until now.

19. While we were chastised as children for daydreaming, we do so deliberately as adultsas our inner lives are rich, fertile, and sustain us.  And daydreaming doesn’t necessarily mean that your head is in the clouds.  It also means that you could be contemplating issues that no one else is aware that you even know about.  And then you come up with — as if out of the blue — stunning solutions that no one else had taken the time to think through.


208 thoughts on “19 Struggles Of Having An Outgoing Personality But Actually Being Introverted

  1. Hmmm… I bet a lot of people feel like this, I have observed this “ambivert” type of personality and I believe it to actually be a lot more prevalent than we think it is. However I do not think it is a permanent condition or way that one should be but rather a condition that develops due to the conditions of one’s environment (we are bombarded by the media telling us what to eat, wear, think, and just about every aspect of who we are is manipulated). This ambivert concept is a type of coping mechanism subconsciously developed by the human psyche to deal with the perceived pressures of social communication or an inability to deal with and adequately process all the information that is coming in.

  2. Wow. I could have written this. I’ve never before seen such an accurate description of my own personality. And, I have to say after reading many of these comments–I HAVE FOUND MY PEOPLE. I AM NOT ALONE! (Whew! 62 years of folks implying, or flat out stating, that you’re weird can be rather wearing on the psyche.)

  3. This wasn’t an effort to create a division between EX and IN. This was an effort to more clearly define what it means to be introvert and/or ambivert, as there aren’t really any focused information out there. Not sure why you, as an “outtie” feel a need to pre-dispose what an introvert might think or feel. You’re always welcome to speak your mind as long as it doesn’t become a personal attack. I for one would really like to know how you feel about this topic. 🙂

  4. The Ext in me wished to comment, to ‘join-in’, to feel/be part of a crowd/clique, whereas the Int within doesn’t really give a shit….hmmm, socially awkward, me? No, never! This, and the fact that I’d REALLY like to speak the ‘truth’

  5. wow it’s all coming into focus. I wonder how many of us are either Writers or Counselors, what an interesting dynamic. I suppose our abilities to be astute observers is part of what makes us unique

  6. I only just began hearing about this recently and it explains what family and friends regard as my “strange social behavior” I’m on a break from humans right now in fact, but I couldn’t ignore your great post.

  7. Reblogged this on LilPhilosopher and commented:
    When I made my own post about being an Extroverted Introvert (yes it’s really a thing) it was mostly so others can understand me better. To show that if I’m ignoring you, it’s nothing personal, even though it may be intentional. What I didn’t imagine is that I would expose myself to others like me, and it has been an interesting experience

  8. This is fantastic! Definitely accurate. If anyone who relates with this article takes the “16 Personalities” personality assessment, I’m sure you’d be the same, or similar, to what I was – INTP personality. If you look it up, it lines up almost perfectly.

  9. I once had a psychology teacher tell me that I was the most extroverted introvert he had ever met. Not all of the 19 things fit me perfectly, but at least now I know that I am not alone and there is another word for me – ambivert. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have some serious brainstorming to do (also known as daydreaming with a purpose). Thanks for this! 🙂

  10. Wow!! I just read this article, and I have NEVER had anyone EVER successfully pick me apart like you! I have never heard of an ambivert until now. I always knew there were extrovert/introvert sides of me, but I never fit comfortably in either category. Very interesting….thank you for this!

  11. Reblogged this on Another Episode of " How the Stomach turns" – random musings about life and commented:
    SO insightful – I am an AMBIVERT – discovered this concept, which provided substance, meaning & understanding of the Dichotomies clarified in this GREAT blog.

    I had to share. This is a near perfect reflection of my reality. Life of the Party – and days of solitude, working in flow, to re-balance.

    May this be insightful to others in the’ Tribe;.

  12. Something to note about the medical definition of introvert/extrovert:

    Introverts charge their batteries alone, extroverts charge them in company.

    This makes the “classification” less confusing, as introverts can often be the life of the party, but will sleep in until noon thinking the next day. Meanwhile, real extroverts will be jumping up get to the Farmers Market at 8:00 am, because that’s where they charge their batteries to kick-start the weekend.

    Opposite couples often have a lot of trouble understanding each other, and the extrovert sometimes feels like a pack horse, having to do all the Farmer’s market shopping… 🙂

    Lovvvvve this font, thank you…

  13. Reblogged on aimeeknows.com with this note: I feel like the person who wrote the blog above went into my head and took the words out – obviously more eloquently than I could have done. So many of the points he lists apply to me. I had an ex who just didn’t get it……. why could I be so outgoing at times, but so shy at others? Thankfully I realized it was his issue and not mine 🙂

    Thanks to the author for reading my mind and doing the work of writing a blog about it for me 🙂

  14. Reblogged this on Diary of an Anxious, Happy Woman and commented:
    I’ve always been an extrovert, or at least, I thought I should be. I have the personality for it, the bubbliness for it, the happiness for it, and the voice for it. Well, lately, I’ve been feeling introverted, and this has been terribly confusing for me! In fact, the other day, as I was scrolling through meetups, I saw a group called “Introverts that want to be Extroverts in Austin.” I joined it, describing myself as a “happy-go-lucky int-extrovert! A halfling, if you will!” I love people, I love being around people, I love teaching people, and I love leading people; however, I don’t always want to be around people or always feel like being the leader of the conversation. I thought this was a fantastic article for those who feel torn by labels; I hope that this helps to clear some of your personal confusion about who you are, truly!

  15. Except for the flirting (replace flirting with telling bad jokes) and the “not understanding the whole I/E thing” (au contraire, I understand it all too well – it’s the rest of the world who doesn’t understand that a lot of us I’s have learned to fake E in self-defense!), your “19 Struggles” is sooooooooo ME! B-)

    ~sparky, INxP B-)

  16. Interesting: I consider myself as an “actually introvert extravert” and thought I recognized myself in the title… Just to discover a completely different view of my own!

  17. Thank you for labeling this for me, and showing that there is a middle ground for some of us. I used to say I was inwardly shy, but forced myself to be outgoing. No one likes to be alone, all the time. Co- workers and people that know me socially think that can’t be true, because I do have a lot to say, when we are together.. I do have the perfect job though, for my personality. I do private duty nursing, and I am with one client at a time.. When I am with my co-workers, it is usually a crossing of paths at certain places that we may be working at , at the same time. Of course there are times when small groups of us meet up together for some fun…It works beautifully for me!

  18. Reblogged this on 29tolife and commented:
    I really had to share this far and wide, because I was so delighted to see someone nail what is in my deepest thoughts about most social interactions that I have!! Yes, yes, to all of this. I love the one about being the life of the party and taking three days of solitude to regroup. Totally me. I’m also engaged at the dinner table, but not wanting to text back immediately… Social life jacket? That happens to me ALL THE TIME!! Preach, teach, yes. Yes to it all. Yall know I hardly repost unless it’s just awesome.

  19. Reblogged this on The Rockstar Anthropologist and commented:
    I think the concepts of ‘introversion ve extroversion’ are really interesting. I definitely tend to be more introverted. Perhaps this is why I prefer observation, dead things and robots, but I certainly have experienced my fair share of some of the items on this list. Do you identify with any of these?

  20. Really great article. I am an XNTX, believe it or not. People were always perplexed by my hanging out with them, and then being by myself for a while-it was especially hard in high school, as I seemed to others that I was completely unpredictable, which of course, wasn’t the case. I score exactly 50% on E and I, as well as J and P.

  21. I’ve been saying something like this for years. I’ve always preferred hanging out with one or two people, though ive never really been the life of the party. I think im more middle ground, not ever really an extrovert nor introvert. Does that make me a vert? Hmm.

    But thank you for this post.

  22. Wow. This list describes me so well, except for #18, because I didn’t understand this about myself until I read this. I thought I had to be one or the other, and figured I was introverted, but faking the extroverted when I needed to. So I would feel bad when I didn’t want to return phone calls or found myself seeking out solitude. This makes so much more sense! Thank you!

  23. This is exactly who I am and it definitely is a struggle. What I would like to know is is there hope for romance for people like us. I have like 2 friends, my children and work. Although I love to travel, I do not like to travel alone. My job is very social and therefore I tend to stay in when not working. Therefore, I must leave any meeting of someone new to fate or chance. At least now I feel not quite so ODD. There are other people out there like me. That is hopeful. Thank you for the insight into myself and others like me.

  24. Yep, that’s pretty much me in a “nut shell”. I live my life outside the boxes others attempt to place me in. My belief is that there are no boxes… only nutshells.

  25. These days I’m more classically introverted but in my young days I was in a house share with 4 other young guys (all gay) and was the one who always organised the parties, and what parties! Having said that, once the whole thing got going, I used to retire to my (very small) bedroom with the 3-4 buddies I REALLY trusted and spend the resort of the evening discussing life, the universe and everything with them.

  26. Pingback: This Week
  27. this is great 🙂 and so exactly on point. i am most famous for disappearing from parties without saying good bye. joke among my friends is that if someone asks where I am, it usually means I’ve already left.

  28. This is the best piece about social introverts I’ve read online.

    As part of my work for a news organization, I have to organize and coordinate live events every month, which require me to not only network and boss people around, but also host the event in front of an audience, in person, online and live on cable TV. Everyone tells me I do a great job, and I relish in the praise and work I do for my job.

    And then I disappear off the face of the planet for four days, because the entire experience was so harrowing, I just need to be by myself to reflect.

    And don’t get me started on dates. People complain that I take forever to go on dates. It’s not because I require so much prep time. It’s because I’m scared to death of ever leaving the bathroom …

    Thank you again. This piece makes me feel like I’m not alone, and for an outgoing introvert, that’s definitely a good thing. 🙂

  29. This post made me smile.

    I love people but I find that I feel the best and truest version of myself in my home, laying on the couch, on my bed or on the floor daydreaming.

    Dating is difficult because I interact with the soul of a person I love and then I immediately become anxious thinking of the fact that I may have to answer the phone when they call tomorrow, or worse, text them back before 3 days time.

    I love hanging out with 2 other people who know each other well. It allows me to be present with them but they will take most of the responsibility to entertain each other. This leaves me free to be present, but also scoot off if I need to. I always need to have an exit plan.

    I love company, but my ideal version of company would be a big house filled with people where I could come and go as I please while they live their lives around me.

    Sometimes, I feel selfish but I am learning to be and share with people and still take care of myself. Thank you for posting this. I also read and had a strong connection to your other blog about intuition and astrology.

    Hope you give your dog a good scratching and a nice treat.

  30. I have to laugh in appreciation of your comment, Lady S, because I got a hilarious visual of this teeny-tiny extrovert inside you throwing a temper tantrum because she doesn’t get enough attention. Thank you for that! ❤

  31. wauw all me thats .. well not scary but sorta funny scary .. Got one that I tend to do in public if Im not carefull. Its two things really but they are related:
    1. I draw attention to myself without wanting to. Like dropping a bottle of 1.5 liters coke on the supermarket floor in the middle of the rush with about a gazillion people. Making them all stare at me 😦 Argh
    2. I say things out of the blue like Im really talking out loud. Can get a tad embaressing. I call it cronic-foot-in-mouth-syndrome
    Only my extreamly close friends know that Im very private and they accept that there are thing I dont even tell them. Cos…. erm why should I ?
    I do not get the whole “Lets all share our inner most on international tellie” I cant even stand looking at those shows.
    Basicly I can check all the above points. Im like a freaking pendular back and forth LOL

  32. Pretty common. We know so much more about ourselves and realize that we don’t necessarily need a lot of interaction with others. Thank you for sharing!

  33. This blew me away! I actually fall a little more on the extrovert side, but as I get older, I get more and more introverted. It wasn’t until my late 20’s or early 30’s that I realized that I need more down time than most. I initially thought it was because I was hanging out with a group of people who were all younger than me, and I would leave happy hour as they were planning their next place to go for the evening. But now, many years later, I find myself explaining to people that just because I didn’t do anything on the weekend didn’t make it a bad weekend, it was actually exactly what I wanted! Interestingly, I’ve gone from being an ENFP to being an INTP, and I hover right between the I and the E. When I feel good, though, clear off the table tops! 🙂

  34. You totally described me!! I was on number 5 till today after the 3 and 4. Left me feeling rather awkward ! Thanks for sharing. This has added a spring to my step!

  35. As a person who doesn’t drive, it’s a nightmare when I’m invited to an out-of-town or remote party, because I sometimes think I’m ready to leave two or three hours before my ride is. At one event, there was actually a quiet room set aside, but the host kept talking to me as I sat there trying to be ALONE. I finally had to be rude and say: ‘I’m in here because I need to be alone for a bit.’

  36. Beth,

    As a day-to-day thing, I land pretty squarely on the introverted end of the spectrum. I can handle outings, but ONLY if I time myself (usually an hour is enough) and can leave freely to decompress in my own quiet space afterward. Like you, I learned to “feign” extroversion to survive, but under different circumstances. I ran away from home at 14 and lived on the streets. It’s very difficult for an awkwardly introverted kid to survive in a world whilst existing day to day on his own wits and ability to adapt to circumstances. Which is what I feel all us introverts do: adapt when needed. Some of adapt further along the spectrum than others, but at the end of the day, we’re still at home, cozy on the couch or in bed with a good book, glass of wine, and a cat or pup to keep us company. Bless you for posting your wonderful comment. It’s always good to get a bit more insight into others’ levels of intro/extro (or what I call “innies” and “outies.” )


  37. Reverend Gloria,
    I also am a student of the Enneagram, and like many introverts, have studied various and numerous systems in order to better understand myself. I also believe that we manifest differing levels of introversion/extroversion every day, depending on where we are in our personal psychle (the word I use for “mental cycle”), the situation we’re facing, and the ways in which we’re equipped to deal. I’m pleased that you found a connection here.


  38. I studied the Enneagram for years, you can actually “see” the differences in personalities when we are on the stage. That being said, this is the best description of an introvert I’ve ever seen. I would like a copy for all my friends and relatives who just don’t get me.

    Thanks for writing this Christian, it’s absolutely brilliant!

    P.S. #13 is kinda my life story and #15 haunts me.

  39. I agree with your comment to a comment wherein you stated people should add to or subtract from the list. We are all uniquely different so not all nineteen points may apply to all people.

    I am introverted. However, I’m *extremely* introverted. I can go days without communicating with a single person and be perfectly content and enjoy myself. That said, I’m not a hermit, nor am I socially awkward. I grew up in an extroverted family and learned to be social. It was that or be run over. Survival instincts took over!

    Now, at 38, I find myself constantly explaining to people that I really am introverted and that I “turn off” when I leave social environments. I want nothing to do with people because work has sucked every ounce of energy from my bones and I need the chance to be alone to process my entire day and become the gentler, kinder version of myself because my coping skills need restoring.

    Also, because I seem to be a bit more introverted than yourself, there are items on the list I actually don’t relate to… at least not in their entirety. While I completely relate to the notion of choosing when and if to grace a party with my presence, I most certainly am *not* the life of said party. No way, no how, uh-uh. Also, I completely understand the introvert/extrovert thing because I’m uber introverted so I’ve processed this ad nauseam. But… I’m thoroughly okay with being an introvert and perfectly comfortable with extroverts (even if I secretly think they’re aliens from another planet). And I’m rarely indecisive, but can appear that way at times. Why? Because it’s the inevitable confrontation(s) that will follow my decision that I’m dreading so I’m just stalling in pulling the trigger on my decision. What appears as indecisiveness is really just avoidance tactics run amok.

    As an introvert, I find #7 on this list to be the most challengingly accurate piece of this list… it sums up the greatest conundrum of my life. I was a chatterbox on our date, and I had a really, really good time… but when I told you at the beginning that I often don’t return calls, don’t return texts, and very often don’t even have the electronic leash anywhere near my person, I WASN’T LYING! You aren’t being punished, I do this to my parents, my siblings, and my best friends. If anything, you should feel special you get the same treatment as the people I love and adore most in the world. If I didn’t like you, I’d tell you. Just give me some time to process and recharge, then I’ll resurface. But please, ask me on date #2! I’ll eventually respond and, most likely, accept.

    You (and I) just have to take some of our tendencies with a good dose of humor. As with many things in life, it’s laugh or cry. I choose to laugh at myself whenever I can!

    Thanks for sharing!

  40. Even more than the list, which offers a fun self-reflection, I am inspired by your opening comments about labeling systems and spectrums. Life is such a Mystery with all the ensuing beauty and terror. We long for definitions, sometimes via labels, which end up restricting the endless possibilities for who I might be…today. Certainly we have tendencies (i.e. introverted, extroverted) but I love the fact that at any given moment, the planet could tip in the opposite direction and you or I might just surprise the heck out of our family or friends (or ourselves!) and climb out of the pigeon-hole we’ve believed about ourselves for so many years and embrace the Monty Python slogan: “And now for something completely different!”

  41. Love the list. Most of it I see in myself. I have three best friends, and a few I enjoy/tolerate at other times. I’m never the life of the party, but rather tend to go and sit alone to just… Be there, but not join in. Takes me ages to open up to people.

    About the only place I’m actually a full on extrovert, is when I’m working. Something about the barrier of counters at work opens me up and I’m bolder, louder and more out there from the moment someone steps up to the counter.

    When I’ve seen a friend for days upon days in a row, I often don’t contact them because I need space, but I also don’t want them tired of me.

    ~shrugs~ I’ve always hated sticking people into a box that labels them. As a redheaded, overweight, christian, homeschooled, geeky girl, lover of fashion… I’ve given up believing there is a box to think outside of.

  42. Reblogged this on Nudge Village and commented:
    Can you relate? To follow our big ideas, one of the biggest challenges is to follow the way we work best. Introverts and Extroverts alike can figure out how they work best. This article reminds us that we all don’t fall neatly into either category and have our own special considerations to work around and …that’s ok.

  43. Reblogged this on Feminist Loft and commented:
    In many ways, this is me. I hate people and I love people. I talk a lot or not talk at all. I switch my phone off for days and not check mail because I want nothing to do with anyone. Most people think I am fun. I am quite quiet a lot of times. I tweet as a maniac one day and not tweet for weeks. It is a spectrum, after all.

  44. I got half and half on the Myers/Briggs, so I identify. When I first took it, I was ALL introvert, until I forced myself to be more extroverted, for survival.

    I’ve always wondered why my friends want me to be an agent or someone who has to deal with the public and be “on” most of the time, when the mere thought of it does make me want to throw up. Then I realized these are people I feel comfortable around, and they get the more “outgoing” me.

    I’m totally terrified of going to a party, then I am the life of it once I get comfortable. I want to finish my novel, but I’m scared of having to go out and meet the public afterward. I just want to write it and slink back into the woodwork.

    Thanks for putting this in such simple terms. It makes me feel less crazy.

    Though as a book editor, I feel compelled to point out it’s “wringer.” I know. I annoy everyone with this.

  45. It just depends on my moods, sometimes I want to be noticed and crave attention, at other times I just want to be in my space, enjoying company of self. Thank you Christian you have untied a few knots.

  46. Reblogged this on twinsrambull and commented:
    Forever reblog. It’s so…me.
    20. People constantly throw you into the middle of conversations because you give off the impression of being interested in people, but you’re secretly dying to pick your nails or study that scab on your arm instead because neither…talk and yet both allow you a moment of reflection on the deeper things in life.

  47. Thank you for your insightful comment, Kimbal. I agree, the extrovert most usually gets a bad rep, as do introverts. As an introvert, the only thing I take personally is when an apparent extrovert (which I call “outties” and introverts “innies”) tries to “change” my introvert ways. Because many extroverts are perceived as loud and brash, society often forgets that it’s a spectrum just like everything else. Perhaps YOU could write a treatise on your specific type of extroversion/introversion? Harness that introvert energy and create a piece that speaks to those who experience the world in ways similar to you. As I don’t have that extroverted energy for the most part, I would do it an injustice, certainly. And yes, introverts tend to “categorize” extroverts as much as we’re categorized, which is unfortunate. I’ve got many lovely extroverted friends, but in the years we’ve known each other, we’ve grown to understand our specific temperaments, and no longer try to change one another. Stereotypes abound in pretty much every area, and it’s up to us to combat them and tear them down.

  48. I know this website is called ‘introversion effect’ but, as a extrovert (scoring at least 80+ extroversion, 20- introversion) can someone, pref chris, explain to me WHY I enjoy making friends with introverts. and why extroverts (ironically) irritate me.

    also, can someone please write a feel-better piece about extroverts? society might see us as the ‘golden children’ the one’s pegged as the all americans, etc, but imagine not being able to rely on yourself? needing other people, all the time. Where being alone ALWAYS means lonely, and not knowing whether your own opinion of yourself is valid without asking someone else to hold up a mirror to reflect it. AND THEN not having the ability to ‘quietly’ reflect on these issues, but constantly desire someone else to resolve them for you (look, im even typing all this, ironically, again, asking you to solve this for me) and all of this is incredibly intense because. you. can’t. be. by. yourself.

    AND THERE IS NO POPULAR MEDIA AT THE MOMENT FOR YOU TO IDENTIFY WITH. The extrovert is almost always the ‘bad’ guy, the shy awkward teen = the good guy. think of every high school movie ever. Don’t get me wrong, we have our outlets – but it’s always reality television. IMAGINE AN EXTROVERT WHO’S INTO READING/WRITING/DRAWING AND CATS and not the kardashions. yeah? NEITHER CAN HOLLYWOOD.



  49. For all you young people, responding honestly & fervently: it gets better. After being really strong at both ends of the spectrum & then invisible in the middle, I am now quite happy to be alone. It would be bliss if my BF were not exactly the same! NOW what do we do?? And we have been apart for 15 years after living together for 10! If one wants to be left alone & the other wants to be … together, what’s the protocol??

    He is happy but not spiritually or physically nourished unless with we are together; same goes for me. Like the two porcupines: how do we?

  50. Most of this is pretty true for me, except for not-having-a-group-of-friends one. I do have a group of friends and I adore them, but I also need a few hours to be by myself everyday to re-energize from all that social interaction.

  51. Totally feel you on these. I have days where I’m more likely to be okay with a small gathering, but most days, just being around my dogs is enough. 🙂

  52. I feel I am an introvert with extrovert tendencies. LOL
    If I know you well and feel comfortable with you I can be talkative and silly and wild. I can be loud and boisterous when I want or feel inclined. I don’t mind giving presentations but don’t like the Q&A.
    In new situations or around people I don’t know well I am shy and unsure. I don’t like parties were I don’t know most of the people. I am not good at mingling and coming up with topics.
    I don’t like calling on the phone so prefer text and email for communicating unless you really are a close friend or family member and even then sometimes text is just easier.

  53. Would love to see your version as well! This list is fluid rather than wholly definitive, and I encourage everyone to add or subtract as you see fit. 🙂

  54. “12. You’ve never really understood the whole “introvert vs. extrovert” dichotomy (can we call it that?) Because you’re… both…”

    This can also be called “ambiversion,” i.e. having both sides of introvert and extrovert, and can’t go long without either a good amount of solitude OR having human contact — on your own terms. As a performing metal musician, I find I need both “modes” — one to interact with friends and fans and musicians, the other to recharge, create, and get inspiration. If I don’t get the proper amounts of either, my moods get very….. foul. 😉 Great read, Christian!

  55. Reblogged this on Find Yourself and commented:
    Haha, omgosh I never thought someone could hit the nail on the head so hard. When I read this, I couldn’t stop laughing.

  56. This is brilliant! Almost a T. And so simply put.

    It’s great to be aware of your own (introverted) nature because then you can better thrive in this (extrovert-centric) world.

    Like being sure to take time to be in your own space to re-energise without letting yourself get depleted, and then consequently unintentionally acting out.

    Great read!

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